Topic: Team From Hell

[Qin]

The team from hell

Starring everybody’s favourite Gigolo Qin

Welcome to Team docs team
Me: Hey guys whats happening?
Team Doc: Hello
Team Fixer: Hello
Team Adv: Yo
Team Enf: Duh

Ok so now I am happy I have almost a full team with a doc, and its not a bad mix either

Me: Groovy so almost a full team with a doc, you know somthin doc I love ya already for healing me
Team Doc: Yeah I know

Hmm slightly arrogant but we can get past that the fact she is wearing a bikini helps

Team Adv: Yo guys get the Soldier he roxxors
Me: Ok a soldier does good damage that will work nicely
Team Enf: Duh
Team Fixer: God damnit big pile of stinking horse shit

Ok the fixers got tourettes syndrome but I can handle that, so this “roxxor” Soldier joins us

Team Soldier: Yeeehaw lets go and blow shit up
Me: Um….ok hello
Team Doc: Well I guess that means I will have to save you
Team Adv: Ten four good buddy that’s a go go go on the rader big time killin on the radar
Team Fixer: Fuckem fuckem up the arse god damnit!!!
Team Enf: Duh…..

Right so I starts to dawn on me I’m with a group of escaped mental patients

Me: Ok who’s grabbing the mission?

Then there was silence

Me: Ok I’ll grab the mission then we can go to Broken Shores and hopefully make a few levels?
Team Doc: But its awful at BS the sand gets in my hair
Me: well you got any better plans?
Team Doc: nope
Me: Then BS it is

So I go grab the mission and we start making a move

Team Fixer: How do I get to fucking bollocks shit bastard Broken fucking shores?

Hmmm a fixer that does not know of the grid I may be in trouble…..

To be continued….

[Tenzis]

 fixers are not that stupid...

hehe Nice so far, can't wait for the next part

[Qin]

i'll be adding to it Mon-Fri glad you liked it

[Bananaz]

Great team!  

Could do without the "sane" person called Qin, tho  

[Qin]

The Second section

Finally I get to the mission and I wait for the team to show.

Team Fixer left your team.

Me: Ok where did he go?
Team Doc: It does not affect me so I do not care to show any interest in this issue
Team Soldier: Lousy varmint left us I say track him down and shoot a cap in his ass
Team Adv: Got an MP in my sights 3 clicks North north east on the scope looking for invite
Team Doc: I suppose we could get the MP they are very ugly so it will just make me look better
Me: Ok someone recruit him

Turns out the MP is a bit of a mute and the only thing we have to talk to is his demon pet commonly known as team demon.

Me: Welcome to hell
Team Doc: yes hello but do not stand to close to me
Team Soldier: Well howdy stranger
Team Enf: Duh me enforcer smash
Team Adv: Yo MP welcome to the club. What out boogie on your right!!!! No Timmy don’t let them get your RUN!!!!!!!!!
Team Demon: I will eat your brains

Ok now I am starting to panic I thought it would be a blessing to lose the fixer but it turns out we might have been better off. So after 30 minutes of sitting in the mission waiting for people and finding that I had completed a rubikaix cube (very similar to a rubix cube but even less interesting) The team show up.

Team Doc: this place is disgusting I would fire the maid
Team Adv: This looks like my bedroom
Team Doc: You disgust me

Ok this I find funny so I start giggling

Team Adv: We got unfriendlys in the next room prep yourself and get ready for a hostile combat situation
Me: Dude your SAD
Team Soldier: Yeeehaw let the shooting begin
Team Enf: Enforcer Smash!!!!

With that the three of them charge into the room like a fat kid with an addiction to cookies.

Me: Doc you gonna go and heal them?
Team doc: And risk breaking a nail? Are you insane?
Me: Damn it that’s your job keeping people alive
Team Doc: No my job is to look nice and attract people to a team and let them die and only keep my own health above average.
Me: No its to keep people alive ask any doc
Team Doc: I am not just “Any” doc I am the greatest
Team Demon: I wanna eat your brains

Me: Right ok I’ll go heal them
Team Soldier: This is as much fun as…..

At this point the Soldier gets a free trip to the reclaim do not pass go do not collect 200 creds.

To Be continued

[Tenzis]

LOL! keep em commin

[Qin]

Team Soldier: dang nabbit what in tarnashion am I doing here?
Team Adv: Run for it Mickey!!!! Shhhhhhh To many Shhhhhhhh must signal for immediate evac Shhhhhhhhh
Me: That’s what happens when you run into a room full of people obviously much tougher than you.

So I do my best to keep healing the Adv but as he is almost healed the ground begins to shake and the big dumb enf starts healing himself

Me: No you fool don’t mongo!!!!!!!!
Team Enf: ATROX SMASH!!!!
Team Demon: I am going to eat your brains
Me: Demon then your gonna starve of hunger
Team Doc: I am far to important to care about healing you
Team Adv: Hostiles incoming!!!!
Me: Shut up Adv we know they are already here and they kicked your ass already and the Soldier aswell
Team Adv: Transmission received waiting on standby
Me: Ok people hide!

So everyone starts hiding apart from the demon and the doc.

Team Doc: Hide? Are you mad? These people will see pure beauty and stop in their tracks
Team Demon: I will eat your brain
Team Doc: You little foul demon you disgust me

Due to the dumb Atrox the mobs start swarming all towards the main hall I hand the rest of the team sacks and tell them to get in and hide and I to the same with another and tell them to blend in with the reset of the rubbish bins. But the doc and demon stay in the room arguing

Team Doc: get away from me you ugly beast
Team Demon: I will eat your brain?
Team Doc: No you will….

Then the mob is upon them

Team Doc: Bask in my beauty you filthy wart on the testicle of a Rhinoman

The mob stunned by what the doc said and look at eachother

Mob1: Huh?
Mob2: You came here to die?
Mob3: Kill you I will
Team Doc: Obvioisly you’re the brains of Rubika
Mob4:Ok Bitch that’s enough out of you.
Mob5: Kill the tart
Team Doc: You can’t kill me I am too………

Changing area

Team Doc: Beautiful? My god the reclaim Terminal is dirty
Team Soldier: Well Howdy Ma’am nice to meet you again
Team Doc: You too ugly to be talking to me

Meanwhile, the mobs are poking about looking for the rest of us they seem not too bothered about the demon who just keeps repeating “I will eat your brains” but one of the mobs has put a dress on him and sunglasses and is pising himself with laughter at the prospect. I hear the mobs coming out way.

Mob2:I am sure I heard something in here
Mob5: Hmm the bin men havn’t been yet
Mob3: I think they’re hiding

At this point one walks over the fist sack and kicks it and to my surprise and pleasure it’s the Adv who just lets out a noise like a roller rat so they move to the next bag, when they kick it nothing happens obviously it’s the one with the MP, then my bag is kicked and I squeal like a rollerrat. So they move to the last sack the one containing the enf. And they kick it

Team Enf: Potatoes
Mob2: its only a sack of potatoes

What? He got away with the cunning disguise of a sack of talking potatoes?

Mob3: Wait a minute potatoes don’t talk its an intruder!!!

Then the mobs pile in on the enf and the last words we hear are

Team Enf: ATROX SMASH

Te be continued…

[Tenzis]

w00t i love this story keep it commin i want more


Stupid Trox enf

[Suricia]

lmao  This is great. I want more!

[Qin]

ok i'll write some more later

[Hollowpower]

haha.. mate this is kewl.. keep it up  

[Qin]

By request the next installment. Enjoy


Ok so we had not got past the initial room and we had lost 50% of the team the doc, the soldier and the enforcer. We had no hard hitters left apart from myself and the Adventurer oh and the mute MP.
The MP’s demon was now starting to look like he was beginning to like his new dress and look and when the mobs moved on back to their waiting room the demon cam to the front door and starting winking at the adventurer in a suggestive manner.

Team Adv: Hello Ma’am
Team Demon: I will eat your brain
Me: Happy hunting demon
Team Adv: Why you are a feisty lady
Me: Dude is a demon!
Team Adv: How dare you say such things about such a beautiful lady

I swear the demon blushed

Me: Its he MP’s pet Demon dude
Team Adv: Oh she is with him. Lucky bastard

The team mp just lets out a groan and shakes his head

Team Adv: Well lil lady I guess we shall have to remain just friends for now until i release you from the clutches of your evil master
Team Demon: I will eat your brain

Meanwhile

Team Doc: Mr Enforcer sir your hygiene leaves much to be desired, and you soldier boy and your school bully boy charm is nothing but rude you disgust me
Team Enf: Duh
Team Soldier: Well shove a poll up my arse and call me a lollipop

So the Enforcer not being too bright does exactly that
Team Enf: Lol E pop
Team Soldier: What the fuck was that for?
Team doc: You told him to do it and although it is disgusting it is rather amusing. Enforcer I like a man who can take orders
Team Soldier: Dang Dabbit

Back at the mission

So what am I to do? I got 3 dead team mates, a gay demon and a stupid adv and a mute who so far is the best for conversation

Me: Ok Demon you go in there and pull one of them out here and we can jump on them
Team Adv: Stop calling her that
Me: What?
Team Adv: Stop calling her a demon. She is a goddess
Me: Shut the hell up. Do you not find it funny she cam out of the room we left the demon in. "She" looks like a demon with those red eyes a badly fitting wig and a her skin is a greenie brown colour oh wait there is the fangs and claws aswell and the fact she only says “I will eat your brain” which by a remarkable coincidence is what Loudmouth over there pet demon always said no to mention is as anatomically correct as a barbie doll?
Team Adv: What? That did not compute this goddess is no demon and I will not listen to your filthy lies

So he sticks his fingers in his ears and starts singing

Team Adv: La la la la LA Dum DI DUm DI la la la
Team demon: I will eat your brain!!
Me: Oh just do what your told will you.

So the demon starts walking into walls

To be continued….

[Ahio]

We had no hard hitters left apart from myself and the Adventurer oh and the mute MP.

Qin a hard hitter? Thats funny.  

And is this the same ghey demon from the deacs stories, or are all Demons in general ghey?

[GoldenEagle]

lol
thats a question for the mp's

[Qin]

Compared to the other toons in the team i would have been the hard hitter

[Tenzis]

I just love this storry more and more keep em commin

[Qin]

By Popular Request the story continues but i was kinda rushed at work so forgive me if its a wee bit crap


Meanwhile back at the reclaim

Team Soldier: Yeeehaw imma coming back boys
Team Doc: Just make sure you remove that poll from your bottom first
Team Enf: Duh
Team Doc: Mr Enforcer if you keep that up no healing for you.
Team Soldier: You don’t heal anyway all you do its bitch and moan
Team Doc: Hush!
Team Soldier: Lets get back before they forget about us

So the reclaim crew make their way back to the mission where all hell is breaking lose

Team Adv: Hey Mob get your hands off my woman!!!

In a fit of mad jealous rage the Adv is kicking some arse and he is doing well healing himself aswell with a little help from yours truly.

Mob3: Dude that’s no lady
Team Adv: Why is everyone soo mean to her, you will all PAY!!!!
Me: You know dude he has a point. After all he is the one that put it in a dress
Mob3: That’s right I did so don’t blame me for calling a spade a spade
Team Adv: LIES!!!! DIE!!!

So then the Adv lets loose a can of whoopass and takes mob3 down. Meanwhile is a small home in Omni 1

Mob3’s child: Mummy is daddy coming home soon?
Mob3’s Wife: I do hope nothing has happened to him I get so worried when he don’t turn up at the reclaim after 5 minutes I bet he’s been tortured for hours, Some little sod’s probably been healing him and then taking him down for hours
Mob3’s Child: Mummy what is a sod?
Mon3’s Wife: Erm…..

Just then the door bells goes

Mob3: Oh My God you would not believe what a day I have had
Mopb3’s Wife: your late I was getting worried
Mob3’s Child: Daddy your home
Mob3:What a bunch or morons, I almost died of laughter I swear these clanners are just getting more stupid by the minute

Back inside the mission

Mob2: OMG you killed Mob3 you Bastard
Mob1: He was soo young
Mob4: You just don’t care about his family do you.
Mob5: Its not his fault he was just posted guard duty that’s all

The opens behind us as we are getting a verbal from the mobs

Team Soldier: Yeeehaw I back and all you lousy varmints are gonna pay
Team Enf: Enf Smash!!!!!!!!
Team Doc: Now just be reasonable maybe we can talk about me and all get along
Me: Oh shit the cavalry are here
Team Demon: I will eat your brain!
Team Adv: You will all pay for what you have done to mi lady
Mob1: It’s a demon damn it man

Team Adv then slaughters Mob1  then mob2,4 and 5 jump on him and beat him senseless and I am also tempest to give them a helping hand. The the doc does something out of the ordinary she stops looking in the mirror and heals he Adv. Then everything stops.

Team Doc: Why is everyone stopping? All I did was heal the guy.
Me: Doc is that you
Team doc: Of course its me you sill little man
Me: its just so out of character for you to do something other than look in a mirror
Team Doc: Well as I was watching him get beaten to a bloody pulp rather quickly I thought I’d heal him up just so they can beat him again
Me: Your sick!!
Team Adv: Ok doc when this is over you and me in the Arena!
Team Doc: You would strike a woman?
Team Adv: Your no woman. That lady other there is a woman and far more attractive than you shall ever wish to be

The Adv is pointing to the blushing demon….

To be continued…

[Tenzis]

Qin i am laughin all the time damn pls get the next one going these are soooo fun to read.

[Qin]

ok i'll post more up next week after all i need somthing to occupy my lunch break but i will have to see the results of the poll in order to decide where to go with the story. Was also thinking about running a poll after every new section to help people decide on where they want the story to go

[Tolbat]

HAHHAHAHAHA.. hohoho... /me falls of the chair.. HAhahahahah

post more

[Novalue]

O M F G, heh keep em comming

[Systembug]

  SO good!!

Actually been in teams like that

[Qin]

Meanwhile

Team Fixer: Damn, fuck shit Broken Shores fuck he I jizz gobler come
Random Toon: Excuse me
Team Fixer: What?
Random Toon: Would you mind easing up on the language?
Team Fixer: I would if I could fucking help it shit face donkey sucker
Random Toon: Do we have to take this to the arena?
Team Fixer: I can’t fucking help swearing balls licker no need to get ago with me bitch
Random Toon: Tourettes?
Team Fixer: Hell yes bitch slapper
Random Toon: Ok then I apologies for having a go at you
Team Fixer: No problem Asshole

(last comment was not a result of the tourettes) So the Fixer then makes his way to the mission checking in on the reclaim just before he enters

Team Fixer: I am fuckin here
Team Doc: That’s disgusting such activity in an open area
Me: Fixer so you found us great -=sigh=-
Team Demon: I will eat your brain
Team Adv: ten 4 good buddy just in time
Team Soldier: Howdy
Team Enf: Duh
Team Fixer: Ok so whats the score bitch whore bastard
Me: So far well erm… nevermind just lets kill things ok
So the now extended party move onto the clear room with the Adventurer and the Demon holding hands and walking into walls together, while getting strange looks from the rest of the party. As we proceeded through the enemy headquarters we sent our resident bomb dispolsal unit to locate the mines up first.

BANG!!!!!
Team Enf: He he he he I found anodder one
Me: Nice work dude keep going
Team Enf: I am good Atrox I am
Team Doc: buffoon
Me: At least he is doing something useful as apposed to tarting about in a bikini
Team Doc: I know you want me no man alive could resist
Me: What the hell are you on about?
Team Doc: There is no shame in it Qin I am a beautiful woman and you well average in appearance, there is nothing wrong with wanting me every male on Rubika does
Me: Yeah ok what ever
Team Fixer: ARROGANT FUCKING BITCH
Team Soldier: Amen Brother
Team Fixer wasn’t me it was the tourettes honest

So for the next 15 minutes we hear a constant BANG followed by the sound of goofy laughter so we know the enforcer is having fun, also Rubika’s latest odd couple the Adv and the Demon are walking hand in hand staring longingly at eachother. The Soldier and Fixer seem to be hitting it off well and the Doc is trying to convince me that I fancy her and failing miserably.

Until we came across

To Be continued….

[Tenzis]

w00t go fixer heheh keep it commin




Qin the pole dosn't work...

[Qin]

Hmm have to ask about that